I briefly mentioned having a peaceful nights sleep the day we brought our daughter's cremains home, well, that was because up until that point I was having nightmares nightly. The nightmares were all about my Son. Someone was always taking him, and it was usually a family member. When I say taking him, I don't mean in a good way, I mean they were stealing him away from me. This was extremely hard for me because we had family staying with us. I was up 5-6 times a night checking on him, and slept with the monitor on (which I hadn't done since he was 4 months old). I even went as far as sleeping on his floor for portions of the night. I kept thinking that something was going to happen to him. I don't know if this was because he was still a baby himself (almost 9 months old) and I felt that because we lost one baby we might lose two, or if it was just a reaction to loosing a child in general, but the nightmares were tearing me up inside.
After Olivia came home the nightmares became a lot less frequent, although the quality of my sleep, with the exception of that one night, did not improve much. My nightmares of losing my Son turned to dreams of my Daughter, and although they were peaceful they still woke me up. Sometimes I would wake up with my arms cradled like she was snuggled safely there, and other times I would sit bolt upright and rub my belly like she was still in there. The dreams were so real and so vivid that it was like she was right there with me. It was comforting and eerie all at the same time.
Over time, the dreams began to subside, but even now (5 months later) I still have dreams!
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